Hotel Habits – by Dean Wales

Do you think hotels, or to be more accurate, do you think the people that stay in hotels are odd? Or is it just a hotel becomes a window to one’s usually clandestine domicile habits?


If we were to be brutally honest, we’re all guilty of the odd unsavoury practise which might slip out in the public realms of a Travel Lodge breakfast bar over a buttered slice of Nimble toast and a limp croissant.

But this really only occurred to me a few weekends ago during a short break in Birmingham with my better half…oh and on the subject of the Black Country will someone please tell me what Bostin Fittle means! I’m praying it isn’t rude.

Now I’m used to kipping over in hotels, and with my day job I’m fortunate enough to stay in some quite plush gigs from time to time. However, it wasn’t until I padded along the corduroy carpet clad corridor of the Holiday Inn Express – our lodgings of choice for the weekend – and spied a rather short, dungaree-clad gentleman checking in whilst clutching a bottle of bleach and a packet of Birds Dream Topping that I started thinking.

I understand some folk take a city break for a wild time, but really? What was he planning on doing?

Okay not every odd incident is quite as extreme.

For instance, there’s always a chap that arrives for breakfast unshaven and believing it’s decent to wear his PJ bottoms, sandals and home-knitted Beyonce cardie with a jammed zip.

Or indeed the bod who fails to understand how rustling up a Cumberland sausage and Special K sandwich at breakfast is going to turn a few stomachs. Have you ever tried that by the way? It’s divine….er ehm…so I’m told.

And then there are those who arrive for the glorious first meal of the day pretending that the exquisite fare laid out by the highly rated chef (in the finer establishments of course) is a culinary spread they enjoy at home on a daily basis.

The lady of the house loudly announces: “Oi Derek, look at this, they’ve got Rye Porridge with a blackberry compote, that’s your favourite isn’t it?” Only to add: “Derek..DEREK! Look at this, Eggs Benedict…that Cumberbatch bloke must’ve had those when he stayed and they’ve named them after ‘im.”

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